the letter

A friend moves out of town.

He and his family are far away.

Life gets hard and tiresome for them.

I send a letter.

This is that letter.

His real name has been changed to protect his privacy.

Dear Senor Todaviabueno,

I'm writing you, as you may have deduced, to notify you that I've never called you "dear" before this moment.
It's a special moment... the kind you'd share. So perhaps if you find such sharing paraphernalia as a can of International Food's powdered coffee mix in the pantry or underneath the left-rear passenger seat of the mini-van, go ahead and formulate a concoction as to set the sharing mood; sit your wife and youngster's down in front of the fire -- any fire will do -- (excuse me, but I suggest that before they commit to sharing this moment with you, that you should pre-share a disclaimer: IN NO WAY POSSIBLE WILL YOU GAIN SOME SORT OF USEFULNESS IN HEARING ANY PART OF THIS PUBLICATION.-- This will, in fact, be more of a sacrificial gift on their part to sit through it with you, as to show support to the NGNWG(North-Georgia Non-Writer's Guild) whose membership is at an all-time high this decade, and is in hurting need of support -- in the financial area mainly --so if you could find it in your hearts and wallets to send just a few cents to cover the ink and paper, much appreciation will be felt. The non-writing that you are experiencing so fortunately is generously donated by local non-writer's such as myself(Vice-President/Participant of the NGNWG). Incidentally, the Presidential position became wide open to any candidates who might be interested
(more info available online @ ifyouthinkyoucannotwrite.com.org.okaydotsgood).
That position had been held by Yours Truly since the founding of the guild, but for a variety of charges, I was demoted (an emotionally exhausting experience that will probably never happen
again). But in retrospect I think it was for the best.
Anyway, the postage is covered by different local businessmen in the local area who apparently don't really understand what we're all about and/or have nothing better to do with their money than look for ways to write it off on their taxes. We're counting our blessings one by one.
That being written, I feel I should say that my hopes are that you'll thoroughly enjoy the non-writing as it is intended for your entertainment only. If we could, we would likely venture into other, equally useful areas of publication, such as educational pamphlets, fictional commentaries, etc. I really don't believe that it's for the lack of ability in non-writing. It's important to note that we've been rejected in applying for our "open" non-writing license and could only obtain a "limited" license( this should explain the rumors you may have already heard, of our intentions to strike against the Union's impotentness in representing our demands to the people they go to talk to when they represent us about stuff. In fact, we have a guy in our guild( we endearingly refer to ourselves as "guild guys" sometimes), who is looking into the matter 'cause he's almost like a lawyer--he even auditioned as a non-writer for "The People's Court" back a few years ago. They really screwed him over at the audition and gave him some poorly imagined excuse that he "can not-write pretty good, but has no signs of understanding the law." AS IF! Since when do you have to have understanding of the predicate subject when you're non-writing?

I'm of the opinion that he posed some threat to their "good ol' boy" hiring system. Anyway, he's been able to determine so far that the Union doesn't recognize our guild population as breathing and "not worth the cost of paper to reply on letterhead". That's why we're going on strike! But that's scheduled for next year...

Meanwhile we will not-write for nothing. Nothing's new.

I miss you guys, and we're rootin' for yas....Love, Tim